A day in the life....Work, Bad Chinese food, Sneaker talk and Tattoos. I have several text messages that i havent responded to and its not personal. I dont have the energy to even to look at my phone. I am letting my battery die and I dont know when i will charge my phone again....if you are looking for me. Email me. I learned something today that i had somehow forgotten. Friends are worth it.. Cubanbee going in..... "Get on the grind like clockwork":
Don't try this at home.....I suck at dominoes and I am even worse at tattoos.
I woke up next to the woman of my dreams. She was everything I loved and yet hated the same. I hated the fact that she wasn’t my reality from the day I was born. But, I loved her for the fact that she was everything I could ever attain to this point right now. I tried to keep still, I tried to hold my breath so that my breathing wouldn’t disturb her slumber and I did an amazing job most times. I just stared at her......I just stared….There wasn’t any one particular feature about her that held my attention. Her eyes were still, her mouth open ever so slightly and her face appeared to be at complete peace. As I lie there in my own head thinking of profound ways to describe the feeling that moment invoked in me; I realized that there were so many times that I had been in this same position. From the "atypical man" standpoint I ego tripped about how “good” I must have been to put her to sleep, then from the emo thug standpoint I thought about how comfortable she was to be next to me knowing that whenever she woke up I would be there just to “be” there. All this in a matter of 40 seconds of trying to hold my breath……and then it happened I let out the big sigh… “uggghhhhhhh”
I was so glad that I hadn’t woken her up. I realized that this moment would never last. It was often replicated and honestly the only moment I would ever look forward to. When she could say nothing and I had nothing to say. In my mind I drifted to another place because I couldn’t go back to sleep. I drifted to the place where my phone was hidden underneath my pile of clothes off in the corner on silent. I couldn’t just say no. I couldn’t just say “goodbye”. All she wanted was for me to say “goodbye” to them….I said goodbye one time in my life and I never saw that person again. I will never say those words……and then I glanced back at her. The thought struck me. Is she really sleeping or is she just resting for her next battle for my attention? I realized in that moment that I wasn’t shit for being mentally monogamous. I wasn’t shit for being consistent. I was only good at protecting her from herself when I was with her. When she was with me she never thought about them or him. When she was with me she never thought about her family. When she was with me she never thought about everything she had to do. When she was with me she never thought of anything other than me being there for her. But I was probably ego tripping.
I really need to get up…..I really need to get this day started, but this woman will lay here forever. She will sleep for hours if I let her. This routine would go on for weeks on end I suppose…but my memory doesn’t afford me the ability to remember anything that will cause me to remember how I felt. I only remember the last time. The last time was different. The last time was uncomfortable. The last time made me feel like I was just visiting. Although, I was always just visiting…..this was the first time she noticed….and then I woke up and realized it was all a dream!
Wasted Words and the Science of it all.....step your intellectual ignorance up
Why you acting like this? “I Fucking love you”…..that’s what I said. Yes, even in my most introspective and methodical moments of being the self proclaimed man of her dreams; I could only muster the words “I fucking love you”. At the heart of it all, this love thing is a science and I am no scientist. I am an ego-maniac with a propensity to ramble, I possess a smile that is more mischievous than sincere, I direct attention away from myself in an effort to be known as a person who doesn’t want to be known, and I would rather be the middle man for everything more than the man for anything. I say all that to say this. The science of Love is this: Women are the source of all things relevant to life and love. Women respond to the way men treat them and men react to the way women respond to their actions. It’s so animalistic in the sense that there is never a wasted interaction between men and women. That’s the science of it all. You heard it here first. Women need to be engaged; men need to be encouraged and therein lies the mystery of life.
Wasted words have encompassed the past 5/6 years of my life. These were wasted words in the sense that the moments when I could have further seduced a woman mentally, emotionally and physically; I spent arguing, asking irrelevant questions and beating around the bush. I profess no sense of this, that and the thirdness (no idea what that means but it sounded “G”). My wasted words have led me to the point where I am today. In the most intellectually ignorant way that I can think of, I am no longer wasting words. If I think back on the responses of the women I have been surrounded with, they followed my lead. Women by nature respond to engagement.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, men always wait for women to lead. Its so much easier for men to react than it is to respond. Ask any man a question about where he was and he might give you the silent treatment more times than not…pretending as if he never heard the question. But in all honesty it is immensely easier for a man to react to the fact that he is being asked questions more so than responding to the question being asked. In my mind those last 2 sentences make so much sense….but then again I am crazy. I know far too well all the BS that comes with relationships. This is not designed to dig into that….basically because my time on this earth does not afford me the ability to be the black Dr. Phil. I approach my interactions with women from a scientific standpoint. By nature women are so many things. By nature men are simplistic. (This is me trying to use more than 10% of my brain). I want to engage a woman in the way that no man ever has. Is it possible? To a certain degree….I have to stop wasting my words and beating around the bush!
Lemme Holla At you! Lemme Holla At you! Lemme Holla At You!
I have nothing of importance to say as it relates to whatever it is I normally obsess over. I am just living life, I’m not listening to any music at the moment (Believe it or not I haven’t listened to a Wale, Little Brother or Fred Knuxx song in 3 or 4 days), I haven’t had any food that has been especially good (Gatorade and Turkey Burgers have been a constant), I’m apologetically disinterested in women (just for the moment and yes I know I suck as a friend), I haven’t gotten a tattoo in what seems to be months (I have the rest of my life). All I can think about is the first time we met.
The first time we met I paid you no mind and you returned the favor.
The first time we met I chose you and I was stuck in your head.
The first time we met you chose me and it felt nice to be chosen.
The first time we met I never really noticed you until I knew you wanted to be noticed.
The first time we met I really wanted to just be friends and now I miss our friendship.
The first time we met we were both too shy.
The first time we met I was disinterested for a reason.
The first time we met I was meeting someone else but you convinced me you were worth it.
The first time we met I will never forget that night and I know you have never forgotten.
The first time we met you made me show interest.
I have nothing to say. There is no clever combination of words I can create to go back to that day. It’s 12:47 am on 01/13/09 and the day we first met is years removed from the present. After years have passed by and my memories have been written over with nights of immaturity, ignorance, irresponsibility and my intentions; I still remember the first time we met. There was a time when my thoughts consumed my personality. There was a time when I would have done everything to remember everything about you. My memory has never been especially good. I forget birthdays far too easily, I only remember 5 or 6 birthdays that I am supposed to never forget. I don’t remember conversations we have had. I don’t remember times we laughed. I remember times we argued far too easily.Yet and still I still remember the first time we met. I blame a large portion if not all of my memory issues on the fact that I am scatterbrained and always try to convince myself that I can easily overcome this flaw; but then I forget. I say all that to say that no matter what happens in my life, no matter where I go from here, where I end up living with my wife and 2 and a half kids. I will always remember the first time we met.
It’s true that you move on, you live your life and you pretend like you have never been disappointed before. It’s also true that first impressions are lasting impressions.
Washed Up on Wax Award: Kanye West 808 and Heartbreaks
*Disclaimer*- I am a Kanye West fan (Nigga u prolly aint reading this, but if you are…. The views contained here in do not represent those of Regular Ass Ronnie. They are merely lingering ideas from the persona of Fall4ronluv.)
I am an 808 and Heartbreaks fan. But, still listening to this album is washed up. “Nigga you emotional like Bobby Brown when he got kicked out of New Edition”. "Nigga you emotional like a fat nigga that fell asleep on a plane and missed dinner"...808 and heartbreaks is one of the top selling albums of 2008…..let it stay there. So you know that I’m not hatin, I could easily provide my own version to 8 of the 13 songs. This isnt a bash on autotune(I personally could care less and im a fan of Roger Zapp)…. I personally just cant listen to that album again without trying to cut my wrist with a KFC butter knife. 808’s was good…..nah fuck it….it was the best album I heard all of last year for one reason. Like any other nigga I went through some shit with a female “Why you acting like this?!?!?!?!”…..
On the other side of the coin…I know niggas (who shall remain nameless) that have sold their heart, their soul and their BMW car keys to scummy’s and I cant be mad at them. They will probably never become an emo blogger and in the year of the wash up….their is no room for pitty party’s, bitch fits or emails at 12:30 am to ex-girlfriends. If you even have the ability to complain about some shit that happened in the past….DONT….you are alive today so enjoy it and leave all the irrelevant shit in the past or I’m calling you Uncle Rico. In closing, since I turning one year older I have come to realize 2 things as absolute truths… Niggas are stubborn Niggas are emotional Realistically…. I know NO one is going to give me any air play on this washed up award…..but for the sake of your testosterone please boycott 808 and heartbreaks at least for the rest of the weekend…..Just join me in being single and unapologetically washed up…you can be miserable on Monday.
And no im not hatin...i got heartless tattooed on my lip!
In the spirit of all things washed up.....the first winner of"Nigga You Need To Let the Dream Go" award is the beloved Heavy D. On everything I was a Heavy D fan....I loved this dude. Pause! "I got nothing but love for you honey" "What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine" was my shit back in 10th grade. Its a damn shame what this nigga has resorted to just to hold onto the dream. Nigga......YOU WASHED UP! If niggas look at you and say "wasn't that so and so?" than your time has passed and you need to join the rest of the niggas at the end of the bench with expiring contracts.
Evidence: This nigga tryna do reggae now?!?!?!?! The Fuck? It's safe to say Heavy D is officially washed up. Nigga; Come up to the podium, get your trophy and you have 15 seconds to state your peace and im shutting off the mic......
2009 The Year of the Wash Up Word to Lindsay Lohan
I apologize now for the language I use from this point forward. The whole game is fucked up....its all a mess. If you have ever ended up looking like the chick above....you might be washed up and not even know it. In the first 7 days of 2009, I have seen more Niggas become unapologetically washed up. After what seems to be countless years of bullshit such as: “Smile for me daddy, let me see your grill”, “Meet Me in the Trap, Its going down”, ”Ballllllllllin”, “Party like a Rock star” and “Popping Champagne”….Niggas really don’t care about stuntin anymore. In my circle there are several types of ninjas….Niggas denying the inevitable, Niggas holding onto the dream, Niggas who are blinded by ignorance and smut aroma and Niggas blatantly washed up. For the rest of this year I am advocating a Lifestyle recession. Not a financial recession…….a Lifestyle recession.
Basic Rules for the year of the Wash Up! Ninjas better not be seen wearing grills unless they are permanent and you can chalk it up to a bad life decision.
Niggas better not be seen doing the Young Joc dance.
Niggas better not be shouting “Ballllllin” and shooting fake jumpshots.
Niggas better not act like they really listen to rock music, want to “party like a rockstar” or still do this with their hands. Niggas better not and I mean better not Pop Champagne bottles unless its for one of these 3 occasions. (you won the lottery, your at a wedding or you are trying to stunt for Megan Good) Otherwise….if I see a goon, a baller or a corporate thug type a nigga popping champagne im knocking the bottle out his hand or throwing ice cubes at him from across the room and running for the exit….Not cuz im a bitch….just cause I wear glasses and if they get broken thats $450 im not tryna spend in the year of the wash up.
Types of Washed up niggas: Niggas denying the inevitable: For the life of me I will never understand the niggas that act like shit that happens around them has no impact. Even I…the craziest sane person alive…believe in the inevitable. There are things that happen that you just cant control ie: niggas with bad breath, niggas wearing fake jordans and women who will leave you for a baller. I accept the shit that I have no control over. With that being said…2005, 6, 7 and 8 are done…there will never be another “In the Club”. Move on like the rest of us. Just cuz you living the dream now doesn’t mean you will live it out forever….you are on the verge of the wash up; so the sooner you accept it the better off you will be. Sinbad said it best.... “Your parents used to be cool….until they had you”
Niggas holding on to the dream: My dude…..Let it go…..No subliminals but let go of 2001. Dogg….Biggie is never coming back. De La Soul will never be popular again. Big Daddy Kane will never be played at Tru Sin. There will never be a full goon squad again. The crew you had when you were 22 will be different from the crew you have at 25. Niggas break codes, niggas fall in love, niggas fall victim to the game and everyone else moves on. I cant be mad at anyone who lives in the glory days….but from now on any dude caught reminiscing for more than 20 minutes is officially being called Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. If you are over 35 and still hang out in places where 21 yr olds celebrate their birthday….I love you but smack yourself. Just buy a dog or a cat, buy an xbox, invest in a dating site or something and give it up….the game has passed you by. And stop falling asleep in my car after you drank too much...if you pass out with your mouth open im putting lotion in your mouth...no homo. Ninjas who are blinded by Ignorance or by the aroma of a scallywop: The most perplexing niggas I have ever come across are those who still think they have it while the rest of the world is accepting reality. These ninjas are different from the other two for the simple reason they don’t even see whats going on around them. If your squad has diminished to the point where you are hanging out with niggas who arent even your friends….there is no hope for you. I know a few people…..I am accessible by almost everyone….PAUSE. I have 2 cell phones, 4 email addresses, 3 AIM screen names, a Myspace, A facebook and a Twitter account….even I know when to call it quits. If a nigga who I haven’t spoken to in weeks or months hits me up and is tryna hang out…there is a chance that he is blinded by ignorance or the aroma of a scim scam. Everyday cant be a party but it damn sure can be a celebration. I have accepted the fact that I don’t have to be on the scene 7 days and 7 nights. Certain females will always be there…wherever there is…they will be “there”. In 2009 I no longer want to hear the term “Cookies on Deck”…..again no subliminals….If I don’t already know my “cookies” for this year I am not going out of my way to track them down and damn sure am not traveling across state lines to stick my hand in the cookie jar.
Ninjas who are blatantly washed up: Finally…..this is my reality for the rest of the year… I don’t give a damn what you say about me…..but this year I am falling back, stacking money for my business venture and advocating video game systems, Friday nights at the movies, Saturday nights in someones house not even speaking on what could be going on at the bar or just flatout hanging out with the Whitest of White Folks. I have no apologies in me. Niggas with significant others, Niggas who are single and don’t give a fuck, Niggas who drink in their cribs or Niggas who bake cakes all night I identify with you all. This doesn’t mean that I wont have a flashback moment like Deion Sanders with the Baltimore Ravens and try to show the game what i got left in the tank...It just means….Im not going to be Jordan with the Wizards….icing my knees and smelling like bengay cologne just to hold on to the "good ol days"
Welcome to 2009 the year of the Wash up.
According to the urban dictionary a person who is washed up is any one of the following: 1.Washed up
Something that has once had it's peak of greatness far too long ago, and is now still being over used, over played, and is still spoon fed through the media, even though it's gotten extremely old, bland, worn out, and is just sad to still see around.
2.washed up
Sometimes shortened to just "washed". Used when referring to you or another's energy level after a late night of partying or playing hard during the day. Usually in response to whether or not said person is ready to get that night's party started.
“Dude.. I'm so washed up... those shots at 3am did me no good. I need a nap.”
3.washed up
See--Ken Griffey Jr;(a prime example of washed up)
4.washed up
meaning its lame, its sucks; in order to be washed up, it must have been great at one time.
Pinky and Ron Jeremy are examples of washed up porn stars. "Yer all washed up kid!" (something a boxing coach would say to his hungover boxer-in-training)
Live Blogging from the Backseat of some other ninjas car
1. My outfits on my days off are borderline Ri-gawd-damm-diculous.....outfit of the day grey hoody from abercrombie with a broken zipper and one size too small, a "Virginia is for lovers" t-shirt and bright red polo lounge pants and green bookbag for irrelevant purposes......I went to the mall in this...smh
2. The Wackness is about to replace Belly as my new guilty pleasure for viewing purposes. Props to White Dave.
3. I really only watch the discovery channel, animal planet and the history channel....I'm about to be the smartest dumb person alive.
4. When i die....my funeral will have more women in attendance than men.
Allow me to beat around the bush….*side note- if you have spent any more than 30 minutes with me over the past month and a half you have heard me say that saying on multitudinous occasions…(yes that is a word and it is used in the correct context) Proof.
In my conversations about anything of relevance I prefer beating around the bush before I arrive at my point so I make sure that every base has been covered. I don’t give yes or no answers because there is no such thing as just “yes” or “no”. Everything in this life is complicated.“Yes” means that you take away your ability to fully control the chain of events that shall ensue once you have uttered that word. “No” means that you are choosing to not be involved in something that may potentially impact your life.
AHHHHHHHHHH…….
Disclaimer…..If this makes no sense, it was probably never intended to make any sense. Or, if it makes absolute sense and is the key to one of the 3,000 life mysteries like individually wrapped cheese slices and how skinny jeans became so popular then please let me know.
Back to beating around the bush. I am admittedly scatterbrained and easily distracted with any opportunity to engage in a conversation about relationships, sneakers, rap music from 199ish to the present and the benefits of applying cologne as soon as you get out of the shower. The problem with my propensity to be sidetracked on a consistent basis, is that I have no immense knowledge on any one particular thing. I know a little about a little and I think way too much to provide an unbiased opinion on all the things I have seen.
In my indirectness to be direct I direct the attention away from any efforts to understand the man behind the thoughts and the destination at the end of the direction. That probably made little to no sense so allow me to paraphrase. I beat around the bush to say what I mean and in doing so I have friends who know a lot about my thoughts, but know nothing about the man that I am and my plight in this life. To avoid sounding morbid or on some Kurt Cobain ish….i am just reflecting and merely beating around the bush to get to the point. I take everything in. I remember faces and places but always forget names. I believe every person has something to contribute to the revolution. I no longer have a desire to be famous. I could never be any person other than Regular Ass Ronnie.
On some next level, futuristic, other ish….
I met a man who never had pictures at his work desk and when I asked him how long he had been at the job he said “Almost 4 years, but if I bring in pictures it will become more permanent”
I was that man.
I met a man who never wanted to officially have a girlfriend. When I asked him the reason why, he said “I have a fear of mental monogamy. Its not that I don’t want to settle with the woman of my dreams and have 2 and a half kids; its that I don’t want my mind to accept that as being the limit to our future”
I was that man.
I met a man who never seemed to have a fear. When I asked him why, he said “I don’t have a fear in the world because the world that I live in mentally accepts death as a part of life, disappointment as a part of success, hate as a part of love and lies as a part of truth. I believe that I am right, but I have no fear of being wrong”
I was that man
"When my life comes to an end and i have the benefit of looking back on all the people, places and events that have had some form of impact on me; I will include you in my recollections. I don't want you to feel that this is an attempt to apologize for the person i was during our reality. All the events which have led us to the places we are in our respective lives; were intended to happen. To be honest, i expected the past several months to be as they were. I expected you to move forward towards your destiny, whatever it may be. I didn't expect to hear from you on Thanksgiving, I didn’t expect to hear from you on Christmas....When i look back on you the person......today’s date will have the biggest impact on my perception of you. Perception is reality, although my perception has no impact on your reality....Even though we aren’t friends anymore, I would have never expected you to not wish me Happy Birthday.....This may not mean anything to you and i expect that it won’t, but the book of my life and yours will include this chapter. Happy New year and all that, I will wish you a happy birthday when the time comes. I hope all is well and that everything you strive to be in the future becomes a part of your legacy." Best Wishes
Its 5:37 am on Sunday....I'm awake, I'm thirsty as hell, I'm blogging from my sidekick and I can only think of sleep.
Resolutions: I will have a girlfriend (serious, committed, healthy, trusting) by the end of this year....maybe even sooner.
My good friend and I will own a shoe store as soon as a property opens up in Newark.
I will be less of an ego maniac in regards to my thoughts on life, love and everything in the middle.
I will no longer be consistently inconsistent...just more spontaneous.
Reservations: I don't care about going out anymore....
2009 is the year of true friendships.
I broke down and emailed someone I shouldn't have to prove a point in the most gangsta way imaginable. I have the proof.
Re-Runs: Ummmmm.....I have seen save the last dance more times than I can count. I lost my TV remote for the 12th time and I've been stuck watching movies play over and over again on TNT.
I'm going back to sleep and I'm no longer texting while I'm grooving or under the influence of nyquil!
My matching tattoo done by my other friend.....
I apologize now for the language I use from this point forward. The whole game is fucked up....its all a mess. If you have ever ended up looking like the chick above....you might be washed up and not even know it.
Not cuz im a bitch….just cause I wear glasses and if they get broken thats $450 im not tryna spend in the year of the wash up.
It just means….Im not going to be Jordan with the Wizards….icing my knees and smelling like bengay cologne just to hold on to the "good ol days"
